I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
