Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
