drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
