He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
