And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
As shirtless as possible
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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