What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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