I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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