that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
