Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
