There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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