Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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