I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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