Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
