Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
