thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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