And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize