hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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