I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
