The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
