there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
