Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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