if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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