He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There r osticjed everywhere
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
