Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
