i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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