"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
