I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
