i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
