It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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