get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
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