you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
