STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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