today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
