so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
