I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
