There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize