why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
