i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
