well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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