what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
