69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
