Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
