My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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