TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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