Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
