I cannot find my penis.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it glows. i had to have it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
