I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
