if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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