I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
