so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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