Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober

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(253): View more from Washington

Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....

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(248): View more from Michigan

I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.

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(714): View more from California

He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.

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(916): View more from California

It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment

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(775): View more from Nevada

I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes

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(772): View more from Florida

I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life

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