It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
