Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
