Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
