Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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