Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize