I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
