dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
