how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
