So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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