there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We don't watch enough power rangers
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
