I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Randomize
