high people should be assigned attendants
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
