Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
