she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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