Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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