He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
