Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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