I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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